Sonsick by San Fermin

No posts in November? Life has been kicking my ass lately on pretty much all fronts: 70 hour work weeks and commuting to a client four hours away on a weekly basis, getting back into running, going to and hosting random events with friends, and unsuccessfully fading away on a boy who refused to be faded away on. It's November 30th and I have not only survived this month but I've come out on top. I don't want this outlet to go away when I'm stressed but it's been difficult to find inspiration in even music these past few weeks.

I've had the usual staples on repeat - there's been a lot of Lord Huron and Valley Maker, which despite my adoration, do nothing but further the depressive cycle. I'm positive I've streamed Grace for Saints and Ramblers, Keep Yourself Warm and I Need My Girl about a hundred times a piece. Several other tracks have been sprinkled through this scrobbled history. I've kinda-sorta-actually fallen in love with someone else's playlist for a change. This "Morning Commute" mix, by Melissa Ecker, has held together my sanity while driving the total of eight hours to and from the middle-of-nowhere, Virginia each week.

While there are many gems to be found on her list, Sonsick by San Fermin was the song that shouldn't have grown on me the way it did. When driving long distances, I tend to tune out a bit more than normal. There's no reason to be as hyper aware of my surroundings as I would be during my normal commute. During one morning, around 6:30AM, the track didn't at all capture my attention until the chorus, which is purely shrill but in a pleasant way. At the time, I needed to identify the song and to remind myself to listen to it again at a later point. Dozens of streams later and I'm obsessed.

I've talked at length about end of summer songs and this one also fits that bill when reflecting upon my disastrous summer of flings, false hopes and ultimate disappointments - "it's a summer kind of sickness". Transitioning into slowing down and caring about other human beings again (other than just myself) has been a refreshing, but weird process. "I'll fall for you soon enough, I resolve to love" is an ongoing mantra right now. I want to give up the emotional shitshow. I want to get attached to people again. My friends alone in this city are worth it.

The overlapping and warring thoughts in the chorus ground me when I start to panic about extending an olive branch to those in my life I want to keep around for a long time.

"Oho, don't be scared / That it's a harder kind of feel
Hold on tight / You must hold on unless you're in it
Ease your mind / And when you think, you're thinking clear
It's alright / You're really tied up and committed
Won’t you say? / But it’s an awful lot of talk
Stop the fight / Before the fire burns too quickly
Don't be scared / Why do you wanna hurt at all?
Hurts all right / Someone's summer kind of sickness"

The rest of the song progresses into whimsical thoughts about future plans and settling. The picture it paints is simplicity at its finest but absolutely mediocre: "Maybe find a place where we could rest/ when we're old enough/ we can have a dog and all the rest/ we can live it up/ all dressed in my Sunday best." I question whether slowing down and caring is really all that.

Listen to Sonsick when you want a little bit of confusing comfort playing in the background of your life.